Sexual Alchemy practices don't just benefit one, especially if you're in a relationship! Recently I did an interview with Michael, after his wife Tara completed my Feminine Sexual Alchemy (FSA) programme.
Here's a partner's experience of FSA:
Máire: So, Michael what changes did you notice in Tara when she was doing the FSA programme?
Michael: I noticed her mood became more serene, more spiritual, and simultaneously more sensual, as if her mind had finally made truces with her body — her whole body, not only her sexual organs.
Tara started to integrate parts of her life that are an essential part of her identity, but were in conflict with each other because of years of living in shame of her body: her spiritual outlook no longer collided with her sexual drive; pent-up anger from professional setbacks no longer overrode her need for soothing intimacy; her menstrual cycle became less painful and more manageable.
Most of all, she found a set of rituals that helped her to enter a state of near mindfulness throughout the day — an extremely important achievement, considering that most working hours are spent alone in front of a screen, thus making it harder to feel properly in tune with your body in the here and now.
FSA worked like an antidote to the feelings of depersonalisation so often brought about by social media, remote work and too many hours online.
Máire: What was different about your sex life?
Michael: It changed from random, infrequent and improvised outbursts of feverish sexual intercourse, rather clumsy and somewhat ashamed, to regular, frequent, serene, deliberate and joyful loving sessions.
Tara became more assertive, more sure of her preferences, disinhibited enough to play her fantasies, to ask for what pleased her most, and — to my utter delight — she finally ceased to be coy about her glorious, incomparable nudity!
Intimacy became an integral part of our daily lives, as sleeping and breathing in unison. Sex became as important as they should be in a healthy couple's life: a way to nourish our needs for intimacy, pleasure and spiritual meaning.
Máire: How did your relationship change?
Michael: Paradoxically, improving our sexual life made us free to improve also other aspects of our lives.
Before Tara studied FSA, lack of sex and intimacy had made us drift apart: she became aloof from me, I became resentful; she started to become impatient with me in daily life as if I was an inconvenient stranger, I became furious for not being appreciated. This state of affairs was very detrimental to every other activity we had: to our jobs, to our children's education, to our household's management.
Now that our sex lives and intimacy has improved, most grudges are gone and we can carry on with everything else. To know that at the end of the day we'll share the same bed, we'll caress each other, we'll quite likely have sex that pleases us both, that our intimacy will be also a spiritual ritual of sorts, makes it easier to face our everyday chores.
Máire: How did home life change?
Michael: With sexual frustration gone and emotional attachment restored, most conflicts between us have been pacified. Our children are no longer weary about our relationship, and therefore feel more secure and joyful.
Máire: Are you curious to try Taoist practice?
Michael: Yes, absolutely.
Máire: How did you support Tara?
Michael: I did my best to help her find some spare time to attend the FSA classes. While she was at it, I'd take care of our children, go to the grocery, etc. I also tried to become acquainted with what she was learning, asking her about the syllabus of FSA, what she got to know at each lesson etc. I re-read the Tao Te Ching, a book that captivated me many years ago, just to feel more in tune with the subject of Qigong.
Máire: Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Michael: I think your work is as subtle as it is important, Máire. The lessons from FSA are therapeutic not only for your students, but for their husbands (or partners) as well.
Sex, proper sex, intimate, mindful, dedicated sex, is to a marriage what fresh air is to any terrestrial animal: when it's plentiful it replenishes you without detracting your attention from daily life (or indeed without the need for you to think about your next breath); if it is tainted by unknown fumes, it clouds your mind; if it is not there, you die. Sex, loving, dedicated sex, is the ultimate expression of living energy.
Keep up with your good work. Surely there will be many husbands happier thanks to you, and many marriages reinvigorated.
** Special thanks to Michael and Tara for generously sharing their intimate story. Names have been changed to protect their privacy. Read Tara's story over on Feminine Sexual Alchemy.